bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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