McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
