So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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