When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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