dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My dick has a subreddit
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
