I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You were trust falling into bushes
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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