The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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