YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
