I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
