id be glad to
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
vagina is talking i cant
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
