Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
