Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
