So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
