Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
