I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
why is half of my head shaved?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
