I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
