is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
