why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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