Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
