Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
