38 yer olds are good kisserssss
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
