It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
