Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There r osticjed everywhere
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
