so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
