id be glad to
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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