dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
