TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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