is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
