This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
