maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
