you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
