I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
