what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
