If that was your dad, he is hot
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
