just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
