I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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