One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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