First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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