She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
