My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
