Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
