I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
