ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
