Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
