He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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