It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
