I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
