I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
