Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
