If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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