Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The best revenge is premature balding
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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