i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
they need to just BURY HIM!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
