Whod you bang
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
