He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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