Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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