I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
